Firstly, I want to apologise for not writing in so long. I’ve had about a dozen blog post sitting on my desk, and I’ve just never got around to putting them up! Between school work and bad internet connection, they’ve never made it out of my notebooks and onto my blog. But I’m hoping that I’m here to stay again!
As an apology, I’ll be writing two selections of writing on this blog. a) my feelings about going “home” and b) a poem. Read what you want, enjoy – and I really appreciate feedback!
Glad to be back
“Home”
7 weeks and 6 days. That’s all I’ve got until we go “home”.
Where’s “home”? England.
Is it Home? No.
So why does everyone call it that? I haven’t lived there in 5 YEARS! So why do we have “home” assignment and why does everyone talk about how we’re coming home?
I’m sort of having mixed feelings about all this. Sometimes I’m excited, the idea of a foreign country, a new culture, the chance to start again can be so attractive.
But Bangladesh is all I’ve ever known! I don’t know how to live in England! It’s not yet 20 degrees and I’m already starting to get chilblains!
I’ll be leaving behind everything. My whole life. My classmates. My friends. My adopted families.
I’ll be leaving behind Bubbles and Jen. They’re my best friends. I’ve been best friends with Bubbles since I was 5 years old! We don’t even remember how, where or when we met. It doesn’t really matter. She’s my best friend.
I’ll be leaving my new friends as well.
As well as Bubbles and Jen there are another two girls and three boys. I’ve learn’t how to socialize with those guys. How to mix languages and scold the boys for being rude. Throwing bottles at each other’s heads and blaming it on each other, laughing at the boys as they stuff all of the sweets in their mouths when we ask them to hold a bag of them.
Ridiculing aunties and Uncles and other kids. We’re pure silliness. But we’re definitely not English.
I don’t know how to socialize with English people. Here people who hardly know me talk about their feelings easily to me. They say I’m easy to trust and give good advice. But I don’t know how to get English kids to trust me.
So even though I’m excited about going to England, I will miss Bangladesh.
I will miss my friends: Adh, Setu, Jen and Bubbles. I will miss You Know Who, one-against-four-girls boy and Bablu.
This is my Home and although I will manage, someday, to make England my home with a small ‘h’, Bangladesh will always be my Home with a capital ‘H’.
Blindness
I’m blinded by you,
You seal my head off from my heart,
You blind me.
Because you blind me,
I can’t see you coming,
I can’t see who you are.
I can’t see that you’re out to hurt me,
To burn me, to break me,
I can’t see that you’re not who I think you are.
But I can only be burned one too many times,
The lesson you lay out before me
Teaches me what you are.
It shows me how to defend myself,
From your kind,
I’ll figure it out.
You won’t be able to get to me,
You won’t be able to hurt me,
I can only be blinded one too many times.
justathirdculturekid 
I totally know how you feel about leaving Bangladesh. It is definitely home. I’m not exactly a fan of poetry, so I’ll refrain from commenting about that. And you’re not 12 any more, the profile info is old…. XD
Yeah, you’re right David, but I only just turned 13 and this is my second day on since I turned that, so it doesn’t really matter yet….
Beautiful poem, Amory and the only thing I could tell you on “home”, is where the heart is – which I am sure you will make so anywhere! If that means anything however, I understand exactly what you mean.
Thanks Marina. It’s not one of my best poems so I was quite worried for everyone’s reaction to it, but I’m so pleased that everyone liked it so much! 🙂 Yes my mum often says that. She also often says that home is wherever the family is but that depends really on how you define family, as just relatives or close friends as well. Thanks for commenting! 😉
… you are an amazing writer, Amory. I can see all your TCK thoughts put into a book some day … 🙂
You have two other great passions which could be very helpful during your process of adjusting to ‘home’ … Music and Dance … they don’t have boundaries … I hope you can find comfort in your music … and connect to your friends in Bangladesh through SKYPE until you see them again …
Take your time to mourn your loss, it is normal … accept that you are going through tough times, that your best friends are not there to hug you when you need them …
You’ll survive ’cause you already learned that real life challenges are stepping stones, not stumbling stones …
I wisah you and your family all the best !!! … and a smooth transition …
warm regards from a mother of 2 TCK’s 🙂
Andrea Nauheimer
Santiago, Chile
I really appreciate this Andrea. Even while we are still here my mother and myself are struggling with grasping the fact that we are moving. It think it really helps that my friends and I keep it out in the open, don’t cover up the fact I’m leaving. We talk about it and make it something fun, planning for when we’ll see each other again (My friends say our weddings!) and what we’ll do in the meantime. We make group chats on facebook and things which means I can stay in touch with my group of friends here.
I have always leaned heavily into music and dance and I know well that it will help me massively as we return to England. My father (http://kenthinksaloud.wordpress.com/) has always encouraged me to use music to express myself and I find it easier than beating up my pillow when I’m angry! 🙂
Thanks for your comment, it’s really encouraging.
I wish you and your family the best.
Amory
Be strong Amory! I know how it feels as a TCK to be moving and not wanting to move. I’m a professional choreographer/dancer and turned all of the frustrations, stories, experiences, sadness, happiness into something beautiful and creative in the studio and on a stage.
Wow, that’s really inspiring! I love to dance and I often dance when I’m upset of angry about something. Although right now I can’t really, my room is such a mess!
Very well-written Amory!
I understand that it must be feeling tough at the moment. Initially, after you return to England, certain characteristics of the English kids might even frustrate you. But eventually I think you’ll realize that you have things in common with them as well, and that it will all work out after all.
And besides, who said you won’t be returning to Bangladesh as a grown-up? You have all the reason in the world to return someday. Don’t look back with sadness. Look back thinking about how the country and its people have shaped you to become the unique individual that you are!
And good luck!